Reclutter Your Life

Title: Reclutter Your Life, in 219 volumes 

Author: not known 

Publisher: not known 

Source book: Rejected Books by Graham Johnson and Rob Hibbert 

OK, so I came across a very silly little book full of fictional books, called Rejected Books, which have all supposedly been rejected by publishers. And some of the titles are quite funny, and some of them seem to be aimed entirely at young men and not in a good way….If the book was funnier all round, I might find a space for it in the downstairs loo, but I don’t think so.

Anyway, as an example, we have Reclutter Your Life: A Guide to Filling Your House with Shit, which is apparently available in 219 volumes. Really?? If you ask me, I don’t think anyone who wants to reclutter their life needs even one book to encourage them much less 219 books. I get it, it’s a joke, but clutter is genetic! I know: I have the clutter gene. And so did my husband. 

If my daughter-in-law, who doesn’t approve of clutter, got rid of all my stuff* I would (a) be incredibly upset, and (b) set out to buy more things immediately, after (c) murdering her, of course. Because stuff and clutter is important for my mental health.

Seriously though, if you and your parents and grandparents are or were squirrels who can’t help acquiring loads of stuff, it’s harder than you think to get rid of it. I mean, selling the lot on eBay would be a full time job.

Also mentioned in Rejected Books, are Terrible Drawings of Horses, Extreme Lawn Mowing** (upside down helicopters anybody?), and How to Really Dress like Harry Potter, which appears to suggest that you might get a lightening bolt brand on your forehead.

*Mind you, I would have to be away for about 6 months, perhaps in Australia, because I have a lot of stuff although I am doing my best to declutter.

** And did you know, not at all the same as mowing lawns, but extreme ironing is a thing? Check this website. Seriously it really is a thing! Shouldn’t it be an Olympic sport? For extreme lawn mowing check YouTube.