The Noble Art of Fisticuffs by the Marquis of Fantail

Stag at Sharkeys by George Bellows 1909, thanks to The Cleveland Museum of Art

Title: The Noble Art of Fisticuffs 

Author: Marquis of Fantailler 

Publisher: not known 

Source book: The Fifth Elephant by Terry Pratchett (Discworld #24)

Once again we hear about Twurp’s Peerage. Lady Margolatta has a copy. Although, she finds The Almanac de Gothick more useful, and of course she’s in the book herself. Her entry occupies 4 pages: she has a very long name. 

Baroness Serafina von Uberwald (Angua’s mother) also reads Twurp. And Lady Sybil has an extensive collection of ancestors. She has pages to herself in Twurp. Of course she has; huge ancestral anchors biting into the past. You won’t find me in Twurp, but if you know where to look you can find me in Burke.

The Marquis of Fantailler has written a book about the correct rules for hand to hand fighting, sometimes known as boxing, or perhaps more informally, brawling. It has pictures. The rules seem to be a list of places you aren’t allowed to hit someone. Commander Vimes has read the rules, but knows that to avoid a fight you should start by kicking your opponent in the fork. Very painful. Especially for men. Look, brawls aren’t supposed to be fair. You just need to win.

Fig. 1 of The Noble Art of Fisticuffs shows a man squaring up to his opponent, fists balled. This works only until your adversary breaks your nose with a quart mug.

Oh dear, who knows in which Holy Book Constable Visit has dug up his latest slogan. Yes, we know it’s from Riddles II verse 3, but which God or prophet proclaimed “What Prophiteth a Kingdom if the Oxen be Deflated?” Well, what indeed?

And in any case, whatever happens, go Sybil! Because you are a true heroine.

If you think this is all a bit cryptic then you obviously haven’t read The Fifth Elephant. 

Dempsey and Firpo by George Bellows 1923, thanks to Amon Carter Museum of American Art