The Vengeful Testament of Offler

Sobek the Crocodile God thanks to daily.jstor.org

Title: The Vengeful Testament of Offler

Author: not known but possibly early priests of Offler

Publisher: not known 

Source book: Feet of Clay by Terry Pratchett (Discworld #19)

The Cenotine Book of Truth is part of the Apocrypha to The Vengeful Testament of Offler. This is according to Constable Visit the Infidel With Explanatory Pamphlets. He is an Omnian, and therefore classes Offler the Crocodile God as a false god. Constable Visit is a bit sniffy about false gods.

Constable Visit tells Commander Vimes that the piece of paper found in old Father Tubelcek’s mouth has little extracts from the Book of Truth written on it. In ancient Cenotine. Rules which the god gave to the first people after he baked them out of clay such as “Thou shalt labour fruitfully all the days of your life”, “Thou shalt not kill”, and “Thou shalt be humble”.

Also mentioned in Feet of Clay is Twurp’s Peerage and The Compound of Alchemy which belongs to new recruit to the Watch, Cheery Littlebottom. Cheery notices that while her books about Alchemy are full of fascinating and detailed woodcuts, and give instructions on various procedures, such as detecting traces of arsenic, they don’t include helpful advice such as “Be sure to open a window”, “Don’t Doe Thys Atte Home” or even “Say Fare-thee-Welle to Thy Eyebrows”. 

Fred Colon is reading a book called Animal Husbandry. He will be retiring from the Watch soon and wants to live on a farm and keep animals. Fred has got up to Chapter Six [spoiler: he then has an encounter with farm animals], but so far the book has made no mention of hot smelly breath and great stomping feet like soup plates. Fred believes cows should go ‘moo’. They shouldn’t go ‘mu-r-r-r-m!’ like some kind of undersea monster and spray you with spit. Safe to say that Fred probably won’t be retiring to that farm.

The ancient Egyptian god Sobek thanks to Hannah Fielding