Dick Montfort or the Hero of the Sixth by Tony Morland

Thanks to Jack Beresford: Schoolboy, Soldier and Sportsman - Hear the Boat Sing.com

Title: Dick Montfort or the Hero of the Sixth

Author: Tony Morland

Publisher: Adrian Coates - if Tony can blackmail him into it

Source book: The Demon in the House by Angela Thirkell (Barsetshire #3)

Tony Morland is possibly the most annoying child in 20th century fiction. His response of “I know” to absolutely anything you say to him makes me wonder why none of his acquaintances has yet murdered him. And he’s written (sort of) a book.

So, here we go: “Ha said Dick Montfort. He drew a small wireless set from his pocket and listened in. Are you there said his brother’s voice. I am said Dick. I am trapped by brigands said his brother can you drive my car for me at Brooklands in the great race. I can said Dick. He waited til night and pinched the science master’s push bike and rode to Brooklands and won the race.”

Then “Ha said Dick that night I must rescue my brother. He had three friends which were an Indian Prince and the boy who was the best boxer in the school and a very fat boy called Podge.” Apparently spelled ‘Poge’.

“They pinched the head master’s car and drove to the lonely barn and rescued the brother. Next morning the head master said to Dick I must give you the cane for pinching my car, but just then the police had got the bandits and they came to the school to congratulate Dick. So he got off his caning and went into the Air Force. The end.”

There is also to be a bit about the headmaster’s dog (to be added later), which will be illustrated by Tony’s silent friend Robert Wesendonck.

Well, let’s be honest, I strongly suspect that Tony Morland, this extraordinarily annoying youngest son of renowned author Laura Morland (do click on this link to read more), will never finish this book. But he spends some of his school holidays writing Dick Montfort or the Hero of the Sixth, and reads bits of it aloud to the Vicarage daughters Rose and Dora, and he tries to impress his mother’s publisher Adrian Coates with his writing expertise. 

Adrian, annoyingly (typical grownup) poo poos Tony’s book and calls it derivative. But then he wrests the manuscript from Tony and starts to rewrite it and complains a lot about Tony’s terrible spelling. Well, that’s what publishers are for.

I feel this book needs a little work. As does The Demon in the House: quite the worst Angela Thirkell book. Oh my goodness Tony Morland can really ruin a book. I won’t bother to read this again. But the webpage where I found these photos is very interesting - so here’s a link. Added later: why on earth did I add this link? (But I have left it anyway).

Also featured in The Demon in the House is The Howling Horror, a thriller that Laura Morland has borrowed from Doctor Ford. Tony tells us the Horror comes from a village called Howling and doesn’t  howl at all. Disappointing. Apparently he was all deformed because he had shell shock and his jaw was all eaten away. Naturally Tony decides to impart this information while everyone is sitting down to tea. Well done Tony.

It’s quite remarkable that only a few of the Barchester books later, in The Brandons, Tony appears to be an expert in the ballet. He seems to talk about it boringly and at length. Who knows how that happened.

Completely off topic: isn’t it odd how hats have changed over the years? Not for the military (see bottom photo), but sporting caps now look completely different. It’s always been a puzzle to me how anyone could wear this style of cap on the back of the head like that (see top photo). It’s the same with beanies/bobble hats, which used to be worn on the back of the head, as seen in numerous late 50s, early 60s movies. If I attempted to wear a beanie like that I just know it would pop straight off. Obviously, these days everyone pulls a woolly hat down firmly to keep their head warm. Now how did those changes come about?

Thanks to Jack Beresford: Schoolboy, Soldier and Sportsman - Hear the Boat Sing.com