My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles by Poet Master Grunthos the Flatulent

Thanks to London Encaustic 

Title: My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles (in Twelve Volumes) 

Author: Poet Master Grunthos the Flatulent 

Publisher: Not known 

Source book: The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams (H2G2 #1)

The Azgoths of Krizia produce the second worst poetry in the Universe. During a recitation by their Poet Master Grunthos of his poem Ode To A Small Lump of Green Putty I Found In My Armpit One Midsummer Morning four of his audience died of internal haemorrhaging, and the President of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived only by gnawing one of his own legs off. Impressive! I’m not sure I could fold myself in half for long enough to gnaw a leg off. 

Incidentally, and totally off topic, when I read the word ‘gnaw’ I always think of Peter Ustinov pronouncing it aggressively frenchily (belgianly?) as Hercule Poirot in Evil Under the Sun. 

Grunthos is reported to have been “disappointed” by the poem’s reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his twelve book epic entitled My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles when his own major intestine, in a desperate attempt to save life and civilization, leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain. 

We never discover anything further about the Bathtime Gurgles, but perhaps that’s just as well.

Thanks to Elle Decor