What I Did on My Holidays by Twoflower

Thanks to the New York Times 

Title: What I Did on My Holidays

Author: Twoflower

Published: Not known, but hand copied by numerous rebels 

Source book: Interesting Times by Terry Pratchett (Discworld #17)

Twoflower first appears in The Colour of Magic, the very first Discworld book. He’s on his holidays in, and not very near Ankh-Morpork (there’s a story set in an alternate version of Anne McCaffrey’s Pern, where the dragon riders have an exclamation mark in the middle of their names instead of an apostrophe), and has a number of hair-raising adventures with the hapless, incredibly incompetent wizard Rincewind. 

Rincewind fully understands the (many) dangers they encounter. But Twoflower is a much nicer person than Rincewind and likes to believe everyone he meets is well disposed towards him. He doesn’t perceive any danger and has a wonderful holiday. He probably even enjoys eating Cut Me Own Throat Dibbler’s horrible sausages. And when he gets home to the despotic Agatean Empire, he writes a little book called What I Did on my Holidays, so everyone can see what a fun time he had.

Naturally, Twoflower doesn’t want to cause any trouble, but somehow What I Did on my Holidays becomes a document of revolution. Twoflower’s simple holiday story is copied over and over again by Agateans hoping for the overthrow of the evil Emperor. What did they used to call this in the bad old days of the Soviet Union? Samizdat. Unfortunately, nobody realises that the Emperor is scarcely alive, and the Empire is actually run by Lord Hong, Lord Sung, Lord Fang, Lord Tang and Lord McSweeney (very old established family). Extra unfortunately: Lord Hong is behind the Red Army rebels and knows their every move.

When Rincewind is accidentally, magically transported to the Agatean Empire (of course he is; that’s the sort of thing that happens to Rincewind), he comes across a copy of What I Did on My Holidays. And slowly, with his limited understanding of Agatean pictograms, he begins to recognise the story of his adventures with Twoflower.

Oh dear [urinating dog, urinating dog, urinating dog].

Twoflower was captivated by the pictures in The Octarine Fairy Book as a child (see also The Colour of Magic). It has stories about dragons which his sister told him firmly do not exist. She was quite wrong of course.

I very much enjoyed The Lilac Fairy Book when I was a child. What about you?