VENI VIDI VICI: A Soldier’s Life
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| Camels with Dutch Handlers, Japan, Edo Period Thanks to the Metropolitan Museum of Art |
Sir Samuel Vimes is very worried about the impending war with Klatch so he asks the Librarian of Unseen University to find a suitable book to advise him. It’s a smaller book than Vimes was expecting, a bit battered, with a green binding and faded gold lettering on the spine: VENI VIDI VICI: A Soldier’s Life by Gen. A. Tacticus.
You might suppose that Veni Vidi Vici would be a memoir of the General’s life which was certainly packed with interest. Tacticus was a very successful general, conquering Betrek, Smale, Ushistan and much of Klatch. Ankh-Morporke had such a huge empire by this time it couldn’t police all its borders and apparently there was no stopping Tacticus. In an effort to stop him, he was made a Duke and packed off to Genua where his first move was to consider its greatest military threat, and then, having identified it, he declared war on Ankh-Morporke.
When Tacticus conquered Pseudopolis, or Al-Khali, or Quirm, or maybe Sto Lat, he was alleged to have said “veni, vidi, vici” I came, I saw, I conquered.
Anyway, the book is filled with useful snippets of military advice. Such as : it is always useful to face an enemy who is prepared to die for his country. This means that both you and he have the same aim in mind. Or how to ensure against defeat when outnumbered, out-weaponed and out-positioned: don’t have a battle. Or how to deal with overwhelming odds: do your best to turn them into underwhelming odds. Such as attacking in the middle of the night instead of waiting for dawn.
General Tacticus even had a city named after him in Klatch. He was famous for being outnumbered 10 -1 when he took the Pass of Al-Ibi. But all his men were mounted on elephants which must have helped.
The war of course starts in that inevitable way that wars have, spurred on by stupid people who say things like “no stomach for a battle, Johnny Klatchian”.
Also featured in Jingo are Principia Explosia by Affir Al-chema which has been the seminal work on alchemy for more than 100 years;
Woddeley’s Occult Primer;
Life of Chivalrie, which Vimes consults to discover the duties of a knight; he is interested to find these include raising an army in times of war.
Also, Scavone’s Chivalic Law and Usage;
The Book of Om, which is five inches thick; and
The Perfumed Allotment, or, The Garden of Delights which Captain Carrot hoped would give him some insights into Klatchian culture. He didn’t mind because he knew Klatchians invented gardens but it… er, well, it wasn’t about gardening. And might shock the impressionable. Corporal Angua was so shocked she couldn’t stop laughing.
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| Thanks to The Japan Times |
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