Bonkeing Kinges for Pleasure and Profit by John de Hepburn

Eleanor marries Henry II (rather hurriedly) - thanks to Wikipedia 

Title: Bonkeing Kinges for Pleasure and Profit 

Author: John de Hepburn

Publisher: Not known 

Source book: The Woman Who Died a Lot by Jasper Fforde (Thursday Next #7)

In his masterly literary overview, Genres in Classical Literature, James Finisterre tells us that John de Hepburn’s Eleanor of Aquitaine bio of 1209, Bonkeing Kinges for Pleasure and Profit, was the first true celebrity bio, or as we say these days, a “tell all”. Despite receiving rave reviews and a massive two-figure advance for a sequel, the book did not find favour with King John, Eleanor’s fifth and youngest son, and de Hepburn was found dead the following winter having apparently “Atempted to swim, with dire foolishness, the river Cherwell while disporting himself chained to an anvile”.

James Finisterre, who seems to have worked at the Wessex All You Can Eat at Fatso’s Drink Not Included Library Service, describes the book as scurrilous. A fragment of Bonkeing Kinges for Pleasure and Profit is found in the Library.

Eleanor of Aquitaine famously had a strained relationship with her family: both her husbands (Louis VII of France and Henry II of England) must have been exhausting to live with. Being imprisoned for years, and all that travelling about, even when she was an old lady, cannot have been easy. You can read more about her on Wikipedia where I learned that one of her grandmothers was called Dangereuse. What a fabulous name. If only I thought I could get away with it myself!

Eleanor of Aquitaine: thanks to Kean Collection/Getty Images