The Way of the Scorpion by Grand Master Lobsang Dibbler

Thanks to Medical News Today 

Title: The Way of the Scorpion 

Author: Grand Master Lobsang Dibbler 

Publisher: Not known 

Source book: Witches Abroad by Terry Pratchett 

Desiderata Hollow was a witch. And a Fairy Godmother. In her Godmothering capacity she travelled a great deal, keeping copious notes and writing them up in a collection of neatly written notebooks. For example, one of the chapters is called With Wand and Broomstick Across the Great Nef Desert.

It’s a pity that we know from the annals of the Discworld that printing has not yet been invented (and anyway it really gets off the ground in Ankh-Morpork which is a long way from the Ramtop Mountains). Because otherwise I think Desiderata might have been on to a good thing with her travel writing.

When Desiderata dies she leaves her wand and responsibility for her goddaughter Emberella in Genua to Magrat Garlick; number 3 in the hierarchy of Lancre witches. Probably number 3, but it’s hard to say as witches don’t go in for hierarchies.

Magrat travels to Genua with Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg to visit her new goddaughter. She briefly considers writing a book called Travelling on One Dollar a Day. Which they managed because Granny Weatherwax takes care of changing their money. Granny gets an amazing rate of exchange.

But it seems that the only actual book in Witches Abroad is The Way of the Scorpion by (or possibly simply supplied by) Grand Master Lobsang Dibbler of Ankh-Morpork. Magrat sent off for it so that she could offer self defence classes to locals. Although no-one attends the classes Magrat practices the moves anyway as you never know when a martial art will come in handy. Actually The Way of the Scorpion is a cheap woodcut leaflet, but it has chapters and offers cosmic harmony, inner one-ness and the possibility of knocking an attacker’s kidneys out through his ears.

The Way (or Path) of the Scorpion emphasises that it should not be used for aggression and only for cosmic wisdom, but there are numerous enthusiastic drawings of people hitting one another with rice flails and going “Hai!”. And later on you learn how to cut bricks in half with your hand and walk over hot coals and other cosmic things. 

Thanks to Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research